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Hertz, fool me four times, I won’t get fooled again

To paraphrase the great philosopher-president George W. Bush: fool me once, shame on you; fool me four times, I won’t get fooled again. Take note, Hertz.

January 2016: Hertz charged us an administrative fee for a supposed moving violation in South Africa. To this day we haven’t seen a citation from the local authorities. I guess the police had enough time to nag Hertz for our name and address but then couldn’t be bothered to mail us a ticket. To be fair, the mail between South Africa and the United States can be slow, but not eighteen months slow.

October 2016: They charged us another administrative fee for another supposed moving violation, this time in France. I lived in France for a while, so I know the authorities there are relatively efficient at collecting fines. I guess the procès-verbal was lost in the mail. It should have arrived within a few weeks, tops. We’re still waiting.

December 2016: They charged us another fee for using a toll bridge in Boston. The fee was about ten times the toll that would have been collected by the bridge authority if we had gone online and paid it ourselves, and about fifteen times what the toll would have been if we’d used our own pass. This was billed to us as a convenience fee. Some convenience, huh?

July 2017: Hertz at the St. Louis Airport told us to leave our keys in the car, board the shuttle bus, and a receipt would be e-mailed to us right away. Again, as a convenience. They then proceeded to lose our car for almost 24 hours. After several phone calls to corporate and a call to American Express, the car magically reappeared. The receipt arrived shortly thereafter.

I remember, back when I was a boy, O.J. Simpson used to appear in TV ads for Hertz. Today, I imagine such an ad would tarnish his image.

Never again, Hertz. We’re through.